In classes with Henri Nouwen, at Yale Divinity School, I was introduced to another way to read the scriptures: lectio divina. With its monastic roots, lectio provides a deeper reading of scripture. In Lectio Divina the scripture is read slowly, perhaps out loud to oneself, or maybe just silently, a number of times. In the course of the reading, a word or a phrase might grab hold, or "stick" to you. Maybe the phrase will shimmer. In the Lectio practice, you are to consider this word as God's word for you right now. Moving more deeply with this word, you might reflect on it, pray with it, enter deeply into its significance for you and your life. Finally, you might just sit in the presence of this word, allowing it to work its own magic in you. With lectio divina there is a deep respect for the individual's spiritual life and the movement of that life ever deeper into the mystery of God's presence. At our church, the First Congregational UCC of Santa Rosa, there is an on-going lectio group that meets twice a month. Lectio brings the Bible home into our lives.
After using lectio divina for a decade or two, soon I began to sense that there was one more step. I saw the lectio process helpful as I made decisions and sought change in my life. However, as the practice deepened I began to have difficulty with the "I" and the "me" of practice. I began to sense that this practice or, even, this life was not even "mine."
In the gospel of John, Jesus says, "Before Abraham, I am." Here Christ identifies as the background or the ground of being. Before thought, before concept or idea, before differentiation, before any idea of self arising, Christ says, "I am." This is echoed in the prologue to the same gospel, "In the beginning was the word....." This "I am," this "word," is prior to creation itself, it not only "in the beginning," but also, "before the beginning," perhaps we might say, "beyond all beginnings." This before/beyond the beginning is who Christ is. Actually, It is simpler than that: Christ "is." This "I am" is the background against which our life's drama is enacted, where stories of self creation arise and self-image and identity is constructed. This before/beyond is who we are. This is what Paul captures in Galatians when he says, "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me."
As my practice of lectio continued over the years, the "I, Me, Mine" of self-image seemed inadequate to my spiritual practice. Then, I met Zen, specifically, the Zen koan. Koans are spiritual pointers that emerged in China about thirteen hundred years ago. They are accounts of encounters between spiritual teachers and students wherein the teacher responds to a student's question or situation in such a way that the student's assumptions about life and living are taken away and the student perceives life without her preconceptions about it. John Tarrant, director and founder of the Pacific Zen Institute describes koans:
The koan may take many of your thoughts and assumptions away. It may show you that you stand on an emptiness, a mystery. And you may find this freeing. When you witness things as they emerge from emptiness you may find that you too are just emerging. You too have no definite shape or identity and are essentially unknown. You are a something, vast and infinite, not limited by having a self. When you do not hold onto a set belief about who you are, many things are open and possible. You may also find that kindness just arrives by itself without effort.
Jesus, in his invitations to the kingdom of God, hopes to show us that we stand in mystery, in the great "I am," that we are being itself. When Jesus says, 'The kingdom of God is not coming with things that can be observed; nor will they say, "Look, here it is!" or "There it is!" For in fact, the kingdom of God is in your midst," it is clear that the kingdom is impossible to grasp or possess. Though present, "in our midst," the kingdom is something that we can not hold or understand, something that we cannot see -- but, it is who we are. Present beyond our understanding or imagination, or our ability to understand or imagine, this kingdom, this realm is beyond our selves. The Kingdom of God cannot be understood by our self. Instead, our hearts open and life becomes more transparent and our lives are transformed, we experience life anew and as Tarrant says we discover that, "You are a something, vast and infinite, not limited by having a self." This is the "before" of Jesus', "Before Abraham, I am," the "beyond the beginning" of John, the gospel writer's "word."This is all to introduce us to a different, perhaps a "new" way of reading scripture. Jesus taught the kingdom of God. He used parables and had conversations that read like koans, that point to the moon, inviting us to participate fully in life itself, before and beyond our ability to conceptualize it, fix it, or grab hold of it. With Jesus, we "consider the lilies;" we ponder, "the first shall be last, the last first." With Jesus, we enter into stories of Good Samaritans, and Lost Sons. We consider how it is "become like children" as we come to know the Kingdom of God. Jesus leads us to the "I am" of transcendent mystery: "I am the bread of life. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, etc...."
Over the summer I will be posting a saying or doing of Jesus each week as together we consider this saying, this doing as koan - leading us into the mystery of our life. Please join me. Thanks.
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