You May Find Yourself...

Just beyond the fall of grace

Behold that ever shining place

-Raymond Deagan to Cathy Whittaker in “Far From Heaven,” a film by Todd Haynes

The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need. – Psalm 23

The storehouse of treasures opens of itself, you may take them and use them any way you wish. -Dogen Zenji

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

You may find yourself living in another part of the world

You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife

You may ask yourself, “Well How did I get here?”

You may ask yourself, how do I work this

You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?

You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house.

You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful wife.

-Once in a Lifetime – David Byrne, Talking Heads

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to be you? To envision a life for yourself, and sell people on that life – This is who I really am! Or even this: you take the expectations that other people - your parents, your spouse, your friends - have for you as you try to live up to their image of who you are.

It is like the child, never interested in baseball, whose father forces him to play and he is quite good at it. But, it was never what he wanted to do or be. By the time he gets to the majors, he has a drug dependency problem and all his relationships are in ruins. He wanted to dance.

When living for an image, either your own or someone else’s, it is hard to be you. It takes hard work to live to your self image. The price is too high.

In Todd Haynes' film, “Far From Heaven,” Frank and Cathy Whittaker have what seems to be a picture perfect 50’s lifestyle. Kids, house, money, friends. But it starts to fall apart. Frank is a gay man who is trying to live a s picture perfect straight life, putting up a good front. However, this is not him. He deadens himself with drink, and lives a shadow life with clandestine affairs, betraying himself and his family.

It is hard to be you, to live to self image:

Ask Marilyn.
Ask Judy Garland.

I Visited My Self-Image and All I Got was this Lousy Crisis

So, if we are half-way awake, the s____ hits the fan. We get to that place where we confront our lives and find ourselves dissatisfied, as Talking Heads sang in the 80’s

You may ask yourself, how do I work this

You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?

You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house.

You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful wife.

Jesus knows about this – our tendency to create a self image that eats at our lives. He tells us not to worry about our lives, but to “seek first the realm of God” wherein doing so we find that we have what we need. Jesus suggests to us that perhaps we don’t need to create anything, any image at all – it is all just right there without us needing to make anything.

‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?” For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Don’t worry

We worry when our life does not match up. The images and ideas that we have about our life seem distant and far off. And we worry, "how can I have this perfect life?" Jesus says, “can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?” In essence, “Can we, through our worry, change anything? Can we make things different by worrying about them? Frank Whittaker, in “Far from Heaven,” tries by force of will to live a straight life – he only adds to the suffering and pain of those around him. His own suffering and pain is unbearable.

Jesus offers a solution: don’t worry. Outside of worry, of our need to build and maintain our “perfect” life, we find an all encompassing reality of which we are a part, the reality that Jesus points to when he speaks of the realm of God. Our relationship to that realm is simply one of trust: “Look at the birds,” he says, “they simply live their lives, fly from tree to tree, eat fruit, drink nectar, eat worms. They have what they need. While I was writing this a hummingbird came to my window, looked at me and flitted off. Look at the birds (the birds look at you). Life provides. Look at the flowers…, Jesus suggests. No need to gild the lily, she is beautiful as she is – just as she is. Life is.

Receive and Respond

Zen Master Sueng Sahn taught this point with the words, “Don’t make anything.” Beneath that is the assumption, “receive.”

When we are engaged in “making something of ourselves” life is hard. Once you make your self, there is always the question of maintenance – constant, tiresome maintenance – a difficult thing to base a life on. As we receive our lives, a great burden is lifted, and we experience life coming to us in each and every circumstance. There is no image to uphold, no idea to push. We perceive and respond.

A bat found its way into the house the other day. It exhausted itself trying to find a way out and I found it on the bedroom floor when I returned from work. Carefully, I caught it and put it into a box and put it on the porch. When I checked the next morning it had moved, but it was still on the porch. An hour or so later, I heard a raven land on the porch. I looked up just in time to see the raven gulping down the bat.

Perceive and respond. It works for the birds, for the raven. It will work for you as well. That’s the nature of things.

Look at the birds, they don’t reap or sow or store in barns. Yet, your heavenly father feeds them. Life, love, pain, sorrow, beauty and joy come to us. Everything is alright. The life that we have right now is the life we have right now. All the struggle and strife that we engage in to meet our ideal image of ourselves is extra. The cost of maintenance is exorbitant. So, Jesus sends us on: seek first the realm of God and all this will be given to you as well. The universe sings her song and we join in – we have all we need.

Using this Scripture: Words of scripture are to be encountered with our whole lives. They are not just to be thought about or felt into. As words of scripture are embodied, their action is magical, they change things. Simple words in our lives like, "Could I have a drink of water, please?" bring water. Scripture reveals the contradictions of life, offering us the deep down in things which offer us a freedom beyond words, a freedom available “over the horizon” or our imaginings. So, here are some words (paraphrased from scripture) to take into your life:

1. Do not fret and fuss about your life, who you are or who you should be…
2. Look at the birds…
3. Look at the lilies…
4. Enter the realm of God, you’ll find everything you need there.