Jesus Points to the Moon

Parable of the Treasure -- Sermon for Church, notes

2011-07-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I spoke of the place where I grew up – YMCA Camp Daniel Boone, on the banks of the Kentucky River. I had gone as a camper from 6^th grade, joined the staff and finally was program director of the camp as a Sophomore in college. Loved this place. It was here that I grew close to Spirit, sensing her depth and reach.

We had a problem. We would take camping trips up the hill up in the woods – but there was no water source. We had to pack water for cabins of 12 kids. That is a lot of water. There was a sink hole at the top of the hill and a hole to one side of the sinkhole. Preston Johnson, the caretaker of the camp. Older than his years, chainsmoked Camel Cigarettes, “Yep, that’s a well, filled it in before the revenuers arrived. Made moonshine up there 30 years ago. There was our water source.

We began a summer long project digging out the well. And we would come across things as we dug deeper. Half burned logs. Erected pulleys to pull out large rocks. Old pipes came out. Then some small bottles, pint size. I guess he did make moonshine up there. Finally, we removed a, must have been, 200 pound rock – beneath it water. The treasure that had been hidden, now dug up.

We speak of hidden treasure. Hidden in the well. In the sea. Buried on a pacific Island. Or as children digging in the back yard finding bottle caps from 20 years ago, or old cans. They are always there. Just not seen.

Meister Eckhart, in his book of Benedictus: the Nobleman, makes this point: Here he uses the simile of the master craftsman.

If a master craftsman make figures out of wood or stone, he does not introduce the figure into the wood, but he cuts away the fragments that had hidden and concealed the figure, he has given nothing to the wood, rather he takes away from it, cutting away its surface and removing its rough covering, and then what had lain hidden beneath shines out. This is the treasure that lay hidden in the field, as our Lord says in the gospel.

The figure, the treasure always there.

This is our life. In the field of your life, there is a treasure – right now – hidden but not seen – to be uncovered. As the hymn, “come ye thankful people come” says, “All the world is God’s own field” and it is our field. Our field, and God’s field – we just don’t see it. There is one field and it is your life.

In this parable we find the uncovering of your life’s treasure. The journey begins as you become most intimate with your life: you are planting in the field, laying the irrigation ditches; the long summer days -- weeding, pruning the vines. You know the field that is your life –

-the dirt on your face, the dirt of the field

-the sweat the field sweating.

In this a certain intimacy. When we were digging the well – each rock, how to climb in and out. The well could be acknowledged as somehow me. So, the field – you know where the snakes live, where the gophers dig. Where the weeds grow. The troubles and the ways in which the field seems to help you along.

So, we are to become intimate with our lives.

-as the laborer with the field

-as the sculptor with the wood

-as the musician with her voice or piano.

She who is always there is uncovered. Spirit revealed in your life. Yes, your life right here. Mary Oliver in her poem, Summer Day:

Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes

As we become intimate there is not much distance now. And then we catch the glimpse

-the first glimpse of water in the well

-the figure in the wood

-the clear note that transcends time.

Ellen Oak, voice lessons, never graduated to a song. Jus worked on voice. One day, a note so clear arose that there was no separation between my life and that note.

I see the treasure in this field. Always there. Now I see it.

And here we find ourselves caught up in the Joy. What matters most in my life is Spirit – is the care and tending of this field, my life, now not just a place of labor, but a treasure field.

Where the crops grow, and the sun shines and the crows come, over which the sun rises. From which the harvest is born.

I am a lifer. Everything I have, everything I am is now committed to Spirit. Right now and over time. And there is nothing separate here from my life. I am committed to life – Jesus, “Have life abundantly.”

This is the joy of the parable. So, overwhelming that there is nothing left. Just the joy. In this joy everything is sold, everything I have put aside for the treasure field, for my life as it has been revealed in the glimpse of Spirit.

Beethoven, at the end of his life, he is deaf and sitting at the piano, hiss life a frustration, he had critical reviews, he is frustrated that he can no longer hear his compositions, he is near life’s end. But, having embraced this life in all its frustration and pain, something deep inside was alive, and he said of this, said of his life, “What is in my heart must come out!” Then the 9^th Symphony – a crowning achievement for humankind.

Uncovering the treasure, the treasure hidden deep within us, always there, waiting. We buy the farm. We own our lives. And Spirit wants out – wants to be known – not apart from our lives, something out there, far and away. No, no, but intimately involved with life, part of life, expressed in life

For all the world is God’s own field. That is the treasure. Uncover it and all the world is your field. As we live our lives Spirit is expressed, made manifest in all that is.

Quoting Augustine, Eckhart says, “When all of a person’s soul mounts into eternity to God alone, the image of God appears and shines.”

There is a treasure in the field. A source of water on the hill. The divine spark in your heart. What is in the heart wants to come out.

We assume that the person who buys the field just wants to turn around and sell it – that is what we do with treasure. But, the parable does not say that. He seems just happy having the field. As we are having our lives. Thanks be to God.

Amen

Parable of the Seeds Sown in the Garden (of Life)

2011-07-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

Here are notes for a sermon to be given on July 10. It is on the Parable of the Sower, a parable more aptly named "the Parable of the Seeds that Fell Among Different kinds of Soil." Hats off the Bernard Brandon Scott author of Hear Then the Parable, Fortress Press. This bit is in the Spirit of Zen with little direct reference. I think I mention Yunmen in there somewhere.

Meister Eckhart called them breakthrough moments: Thomas Merton had one on the corner of 4th and Walnut Streets in Louisville, Kentucky:

In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers.

Perhaps you’ve had such a moment. Sensing “everyone walking around shining like the sun.

We look for these moments. We look back on them -- the time I had no doubts of the universe, of God and my place in it all. But there is another side to it all.

Some of his friends saw Mullah Nasruddin searching for his key out under the street lamp.What you up to?

“I’ve lost my key” Nasruddin said.

So, everyone helped. Finally someone asked, “Where did you last see it? Retrace your steps.

“I lost the key in the house,”

“Then why are you searching for it in the street?”

“Because there is more light here.”

We are like moths enamoured with the light, fish attracted to the fisherman’s light on a moonless night. We only look there. Even when we are overwhelmed by the evidence: the key is in the dark.

If only looking on the one side, we lose the fullness of our lives. . We shrink from life itself.

in cowardice and fear.
in repulsion

in locating the problem out there.

The veil descends and discovery is lost to us. The grace, the light that is present in all things is lost to us. We become alienated from our own experience.

This is the dilemma that Jesus addresses in his parable of the seeds sown in the garden of life.

Commenting on this parable, Merton notices:

Every moment and every event of every person’s life on earth plants something in her or his soul. For just as the wind carries thousands of winged seeds, so each moment brings with it germs of spiritual vitality that come to rest imperceptibly in the minds and wills of men and women.

This parable is not about the sower, it is about the gift of grace: strewn, it seems, recklessly. Grace abounds.

-showering us in all moments fo life.

-a shower of spiritual vitalityj that comes when we expect it.

-eyes of a lover

-peace with a neighbor

-in the beauty of the earth.

- a shower of spirtual vitalitythat comes when we least expect it.

-in the pain of disagreement

-in the bitterness of disappointment

-the sorrow of loss

-the uncertainty of tomorrow.

When we expect it -- in the ligfht - the good soil..

When we least expect it -- I’m in the dark feeling my way.
-when the seed falls on the path, on the bad soil, amongst the thorns

-grace does not discriminate: there is grace in all circumstances. See, here is Jesus again, turning the world on its head.

-Yunmen -- the teaching is upsde down.

Grace in all circumstances. What about the Holocaust, or the Killing Fields.

Etty Hillesum

tte Hillesum, a victim of the Nazi concentration camps , writes of the healing surrender into grief and forgiveness:

"And you must be able to bear your sorrow; even if it seems to crush you, you will be able to stand up again, for human beings are so strong, and your sorrow must become an integral part of yourself; you musn't run away from it. Do not relive your feelings through hatred, do not seek to avenge on all Germans, for they too, feel sorrow at this moment. Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is it's due, for if everyone bears grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate. But if you do instead reserve most of the space inside you for hatred and thoughts of revenge- for which new sorrows will be born for others-then sorrow will never cease in this world. And if you have given sorrow the space it demands, then you may truly say: life is beautiful and so rich that it makes you want to believe in God.

Mahagoshananda, Theravadan Buddhist monk in Cambodia at the time of Pol Pot.

Story:

-villages

-no gatherings allowed.

-would have a gathering for chantng sutras at temple

-the lost, the hungry, the maimed, the threatened,the beaten came - 20000 of them to chant what the Buddha had discovered and what they, as Buddha, had discovered.

Hatred never ceasesj by hatred;
But love alone is healed.
This is an ancient and eternal law.

Grace in all circumstances. Seed on the path, seed among the thorns. In the light, in the dark.

What is one to do?

The other day, I mowed some grass for the first time in years. In kentucky as a child I mowed lawns -- straight lines, back and forth. this was more like cutting hay.

-rocks and stones

-branches and logs

-thick grass.

What I found is that the old rules for Kentucky Bluegrass did not apply. I also found that the grass itself, the circumstance itself, as I stayed with it -- taught me.

What is one to do? -- stay with it. Whatever it is: with Etty, the sorrow,with Mahagoshananda the horror.

It is in fact the grace of providence.

And if you have given sorrow the space it demands, then you may truly say: life is beautiful and so rich that it makes you want to believe in God.

And remember it is grace. You will know what to do.

The Seed Growing Secretly

2011-05-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

Sitting quietly, doing nothing, Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.

-Zen poetry

He also said, ‘The kingdom of God is as if someone would scatter seed on the ground, ²⁷and would sleep and rise night and day, and the seed would sprout and grow, he does not know how.The earth produces of itself, first the stalk, then the head, then the full grain in the head. But when the grain is ripe, at once he goes in with his sickle, because the harvest has come. -Mark 4:26-29

Attention! Master Dizang asked Fayan, “Where have you come from?”
“I pilgrimage aimlessly,” replied Fayan.
“What is the matter of your pilgrimage?” asked Dizang.
“I don't know'” replied Fayan.
“Not knowing is the most intimate,” remarked Dizang.
At that, Fayan experienced great enlightenment.

-Book of Serenity, Case 20 (trans. Gerry Shishin Wick)

"Spring comes and the grass grows by itself."

"The earth produces of itself, first the stalk, then the head....

We have entered the world of parallel sayings - a zen poem and a parable of Jesus. I like it when that happens. It makes me wonder. So, we have the parable of the seed growing in secret. As we ponder this parable and look at our lives we are confronted with mystery as we move beyond our ability to know or control our life. As we explore this not knowing more deeply we find that understanding does not get us very far and that, as Chinese Ch'an Master Luohan Guichen said to Fayan, "Not knowing is most intimate." A quick bit on the parable follows:

Jesus told the parable like this: someone goes out and scatters seed across the field. She sleeps and rises, night and day. The seeds have sprouted and she doesn't know how. It is simple really -- she scatters seed, sleeps,, rises, and wakes to New Life! Speaking to those gathered, concerning this new life Jesus points out: the seed sprouts but the farmer knows not how. We are always looking for explanations, the meaning of something, the reason why -- as if by understanding the miracle of life is somehow dissectable, less mysterious, perhaps more approachable. This parable asks us to look beyond the reasons why, beyond our human understanding to the gift of life itself. By moving beyond our understanding, we move beyond our illusions of control and come to simply accept and appreciate our lives as they come to us. This not knowing is our immersion in life itself, resting in the mystery and not getting hung up on our understanding or explanation. Folksinger Iris Dement sings about accepting the mystery of human life in her song, "Let the Mystery Be," the first verse printed below:

Everybody's wonderin' what and where they all came from.

Everybody's worryin' 'bout where they're gonna go when the whole thing's done.

But no one knows for certain and so it's all the same to me.

I think I'll just let the mystery be.

Iris Dement, Let the Mystery Be

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

2011-03-08T14:27:00.002-08:00

Ash Wednesday?

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, a time each spring when people in the Christian church devote themselves to reflection and the transformation of self, community and world.

What about spiritual practice for the season of Lent?

We often hear of people giving something up for Lent. This is done in the spirit of transformation. When we give something up, when we sacrifice, it opens up the question, "Who am I?" without this thing that I have given up -- which of course is THE spiritual question. Jesus suggests an avenue of discovery as we engage in this inquiry when he says, "you are the light of the world."

The ashes of Ash Wednesday come from the burning of the palms from the previous year's Palm Sunday service. As you remember, Palm Sunday is a day for our high expectations of Jesus and our spiritual lives; expectations that are dashed at crucifixion (Crucifixion can be read as an entry into our real lives (those not determined by our expectations and stories about our lives). Lent is a time for discovery of our life as it is, not as we imagine it to be. Jesus' Way suggests that you might just discover your life and resurrection in your life as-it-is right here and now.

On Ash Wednesday we are marked women and men -- we receive a smudge of ash on our forehead. So marked, we enter into a time of spiritual practice, reflection and discovery. I hope you will join me as we commit ourselves to transformational practice.

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

2011-03-08T14:27:00.001-08:00

Ash Wednesday?

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, a time each spring when people in the Christian church devote themselves to reflection and the transformation of self, community and world.

What about spiritual practice for the season of Lent?

I am the True Vine

2010-10-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

What is your true life? Your truest self, your identity? How do you understand your life and death? Can you understand such things? Simply, who are you? Are you what you think? What you do? Are you who you think you are? Believe yourself to be? Jesus asks you to dive deeply into your life for a sense of these questions. Answers while elusive, lead us to the mystery of life itself, to an identity way beyond your imagining. “I am the true vine,” says Jesus.

Icon

The Eastern Orthodox church gives us the spiritual tool of the icon. The icon is a play of figure and ground, foreground and background. Always, the figures of an icon, (whether Christ, Mary, the Holy Spirit, etc…) are set against a golden background of the kingdom of God. To sit with an icon is to dive deep through the foreground of our understanding into the reality of “the kingdom of God is in our midst,” which is, of course, beyond our ability to grasp. This method of spiritual communication reminds me of Bodhidharma’s encounter with Emperor Wu.

Emperor Wu of Liang asked Bodhidharma, “What is the first principle of the holy teaching?”
Bodhidharma said, “Vast emptiness, nothing holy.”
“Who stands before me?”
“I don’t know.”

What does Bodhidharma, “not know?” Could you show me that? Who are you? Can you show me that?

So, Jesus has these "I am" sayings. At first glance these statements seem to define things for us. However, if you look more deeply, you see they do nothing of the sort. Rather, they leave us with something like a question, “Who stands before me?”

As if using the form of icon, Jesus uses these sayings in the gospel of John to lead us into the always present background of grace that is your life in the ineffable, unnamable, kingdom of God. This realm, which is inseparable from your life, is your life and your living.

“In you,” Paul says, “we live move and have our being.” Maybe you could show me that.

As the figures in the foreground of the icon are held in and are inseparable from, the background of golden leaf, so you are in the golden sphere of love that is the grace of God. Jesus’ icon (koan) for us here is, “I am the true vine. And you are the branches.”

Let’s dive deep.

Domesticated Vines

In Sonoma County, California where I am a United Church of Christ minister, we know grapes. Our vines are of the domesticated variety. Politely, they hold fast to their trellis – the farm workers arranging them just so—the grapes hang down, exposed to the air, ready for easy harvest upon ripening. We look at our fields around here and we are stunned by the beauty. Maybe this beauty will lead us. However, being from Kentucky, familiar with the backwoods, I am aware of another type of grape vine – the kind you smoke.

Wild Vines – Entangled Mess

I never smoked tobacco. But, as I was growing up, a lad at 10 or 12 years old, I would join with my friends at summer camp and smoke grapevine. I don’t really even know if what we smoked was grape vine, but it was a vine: The trunk would grow up the side of a tree, and up in the branches of the tree, the vine would poof out. All the branches would entangle, link, to the point where you could not tell one branch from another, just an entangled mass. We would yank on the trunk vine, yank, yank, yank until the whole mass of vines would come down from the tree branches. We took the dried vine, cut it in “cigarette sized pieces” lit the end of it in our camp fire and smoked until we turned green. WE WERE COOL.

Vines are entangled. Have you ever walked in the forest over a trail overgrown by vines?

– they are indistinguishable from one another
– they are woven together
– you trip over vines.

What is in our foreground?

Vines, entangled, a hindrance on our path, yet beautiful and we, the branches, are connected to the true vine, the trunk, the source. As definition this turns over on itself, contradicts itself, holding us hostage to its absurdity. These vines are crazy – offering to ensnare us right now. Emperor Wu asked Bodhidharma, “who stands before me?” “I don’t know.” Who is this true vine, these branches? Perhaps we are better off not knowing, rather than trusting what we know of botany. Think about it, you look to the foreground, to the vine and the branches Perhaps better not to think so hard and to see the background, the gold leaf – the great I am. So, we have God to Moses, “I am that I am.” And then we have Jesus, “Before Abraham was, I am.” What? It is a little like being asked to define Bodhidharma’s “don’t know.” Could you show me that? How about “I am?” Could you show me that? How about the “you are” of “you are the branches?” Honest now…just as filled with mystery. All we have is the true vine and the branches as they emerge from the vastness, from Life, from “I am,” from “you are.”

Behold! the beauty of the yellowing vines in the autumn sun – I am.
Behold! the entangled mess that is my life – I am.
Behold! I skin my nose as I trip and fall, ensnared by the vines – I am.

It is all included within the vastness, the great I AM. I will be stunned by the beauty, ensnared by the tangle, woven into community, entangled by the trials. Through it all Jesus calls us through the details, joyous and painful, into the background: “Before Abraham was, I am.”

There are Three of Us.....

2010-10-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

This wonderful story has been following me around for years appearing in sermons every now and again. I am not so sure about the Zen angle. Surely it is a story of true freedom and humility. Will be featured this Sunday in a sermon on the Lord's Prayer. Here is a short version from Henri Nouwen's book called Spiritual Direction. A link to a longer version told by Leo Tolstoy is included below as well.

Three Monks on an Island

Three Russian monks lived on a faraway island. Nobody ever went there, but one day their bishop decided to make a pastoral visit. When he arrived, he discovered that the monks didn't even know the Lord's Prayer. So he spent all his time and energy teaching them the "Our Father" and then left, satisfied with his pastoral work. But when his ship had left the island and was back in the open sea, he suddenly noticed the three hermits walking on the water-in fact, they were running after the ship! When they reached it, they cried, "Dear Father, we have forgotten the prayer you taught us." The bishop overwhelmed by what he was seeing and hearing, said, "But, dear brothers, how then do you pray?" They answered, "Well, we just say, 'Dear God, there are three of us and there are three of you, have mercy on us!'" The bishop, awestruck by their sanctity and simplicity, said, "Go back to your land and be at peace."

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Three_Hermits

Before...I Am

2010-09-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

This primary intuition of the strangeness of it all, of our single selves as unspeakably fragile and brilliant observers of a grandeur for which we have tried through all our generations to find words, this is the experience that seems to me to underlie religion

-- Marilyn Robinson, Credo, Harvard Divinity Bulletin

But there's one thing you can't lose
And it's that feel
You can pawn your watch and chain
But not that feel
It always comes and finds you
It will always hear you cry
I cross my wooden leg
And I swear on my glass eye
It will never leave you high and dry
Never leave you loose
It's harder to get rid of than tattoos

-Tom Waits, Keith Richards, 1992

Your ancestor Abraham rejoiced that he would see my day; he saw it and was glad.’ Then the his (adversaries) said to him, ‘You are not yet fifty years old, and have you seen Abraham?’ Jesus said to them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, before Abraham was, I am.’ John 8:56-58

Without thinking good or evil, show me your original face before your parents were born?

-Hui-Neng

That Feel

You don’t have words for it. So, we say things like “that feel” or we call it “It,” or perhaps we wax poetic, “it is like the sun as she rises.” We remember the ways in which it has found us:

It was a summer’s night. After an evening of watermelon, volleyball and skinny dipping in the Kentucky River, my friends and I laid on our backs on the tennis court – absent the background light of the city – only stars. Stunned I began to count, losing count I am left with nothing but the wonder of the moment, sandwiched between the sky and warm earth –caught in the vastness.
Maybe this is what happened to Moses as he was caught before a bush aflame, but not burning up. You don’t need to think literal fire. In fact, that idea might be less than helpful. Think,, perhaps, vitality – shimmering life, a shining through. But don’t think too much: perhaps remember when the world was alive for you – where everything fell away and you were left with This, that feel, the vastness. Something needs to be done – Moses lost the shoes; I stopped counting the stars. When everything is lost, what is left?

That’s what Moses wanted to know. After a voice tells him to liberate his people, Moses asks his experience, “Who should I say sent me? What’s your name?” Moses wants to know, to have some certainty, to be able to grasp what is happening to him. All he gets is, “I am that I am.” Tell them, “I am” sent you. Hunh?

Now you could think all day, philosophize about the Ground of Being, the Source – Being itself. That’s still grabbing hold, seeking to wrest the wonder from life, to explain, to add understanding, to know. Maybe there is another way to approach this great “I am.” Any explanation is “after,” perhaps there is another way, Call it, “before.” Jesus did.

Before Abraham was, I am.

Jesus had his detractors. They had made something of themselves. They knew God, they knew themselves, and they knew what was required of them. They also knew that Jesus was renegade, an outlaw – someone living outside of the law, outside of the certainty of their prescribed religious observance and belief. Theirs was an appeal to tradition – “Abraham is our father,” they claimed, we know how it is. Jesus gave them “before”: before Abraham, before belief, before religion, before creed, before law, before temple, before…, before…, before…. Before, then what? I am.

Hunh?

Again, no handles, nothing to grasp or hold, nothing to cling to with understanding or knowledge. No thing at all – Just “I am.” But already that is too much – I wonder how you could show me this “I am.”

I grew up in Lexington, Kentucky. Mine was a modern household and it was decided that I was to make all my own decisions around religion and faith – therefore I was never baptized. My family visited churches and spiritual communities. Almost every Sunday, I went somewhere. The Unitarians, the Quakers, Episcopalian. Beginning in Jr. High, when all my Baptist friends were getting baptized, I ran into some problems with my peers: I was going to hell. Believe, I was told, and I would avoid eternal damnation
I wanted to believe. But for me it was never a question of belief. It was about the experience of Grace, that experience that transforms life.
I started to pray, meditate, fast, read scriptures, spend lots of time alone. Hungering. Thirsting. It was frustrating. I wanted some of the same certainty that my friends had in matters of faith and religion. I thought that I was going to have an experience that taught me how and what to think - an experience where I could give my friends an answer. “You are going to hell,” they would say. “No I am not,” I could reply.
Then, one summer day, I was sitting on the back porch in the sweltering hot Kentucky summer. I looked over at a flower about 3 feet away. A honey bee was working the flower, diving in and out of the petals, seeking nectar, collecting pollen. The world seemed to stop. That feel.

Before heaven and hell, Before... “I am.”

Jesus answering his detractors referred them to their father Abraham. He told them that Abraham knew this “I am.” He was speaking of the time when three angels came to Abraham to tell him that he was to be the father of Isaac. He laughed out loud.

I wonder, how did he sound?

You might also remember the prologue to the Gospel of John,

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. John 1:1-4

Show me that Word.

Or Hui-Neng asked, “Quick, without thinking good or evil, show me your original face before your parents were born?

You May Find Yourself...

2010-07-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

Just beyond the fall of grace

Behold that ever shining place

-Raymond Deagan to Cathy Whittaker in “Far From Heaven,” a film by Todd Haynes

The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need. – Psalm 23

The storehouse of treasures opens of itself, you may take them and use them any way you wish. -Dogen Zenji

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

You may find yourself living in another part of the world

You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife

You may ask yourself, “Well How did I get here?”

You may ask yourself, how do I work this

You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?

You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house.

You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful wife.

-Once in a Lifetime – David Byrne, Talking Heads

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to be you? To envision a life for yourself, and sell people on that life – This is who I really am! Or even this: you take the expectations that other people - your parents, your spouse, your friends - have for you as you try to live up to their image of who you are.

It is like the child, never interested in baseball, whose father forces him to play and he is quite good at it. But, it was never what he wanted to do or be. By the time he gets to the majors, he has a drug dependency problem and all his relationships are in ruins. He wanted to dance.

When living for an image, either your own or someone else’s, it is hard to be you. It takes hard work to live to your self image. The price is too high.

In Todd Haynes' film, “Far From Heaven,” Frank and Cathy Whittaker have what seems to be a picture perfect 50’s lifestyle. Kids, house, money, friends. But it starts to fall apart. Frank is a gay man who is trying to live a s picture perfect straight life, putting up a good front. However, this is not him. He deadens himself with drink, and lives a shadow life with clandestine affairs, betraying himself and his family.

It is hard to be you, to live to self image:

Ask Marilyn.
Ask Judy Garland.

I Visited My Self-Image and All I Got was this Lousy Crisis

So, if we are half-way awake, the s____ hits the fan. We get to that place where we confront our lives and find ourselves dissatisfied, as Talking Heads sang in the 80’s

You may ask yourself, how do I work this
You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?
You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house.
You may tell yourself this is not my beautiful wife.

Jesus knows about this – our tendency to create a self image that eats at our lives. He tells us not to worry about our lives, but to “seek first the realm of God” wherein doing so we find that we have what we need. Jesus suggests to us that perhaps we don’t need to create anything, any image at all – it is all just right there without us needing to make anything.

‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?” For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Don’t worry

We worry when our life does not match up. The images and ideas that we have about our life seem distant and far off. And we worry, "how can I have this perfect life?" Jesus says, “can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?” In essence, “Can we, through our worry, change anything? Can we make things different by worrying about them? Frank Whittaker, in “Far from Heaven,” tries by force of will to live a straight life – he only adds to the suffering and pain of those around him. His own suffering and pain is unbearable.

Jesus offers a solution: don’t worry. Outside of worry, of our need to build and maintain our “perfect” life, we find an all encompassing reality of which we are a part, the reality that Jesus points to when he speaks of the realm of God. Our relationship to that realm is simply one of trust: “Look at the birds,” he says, “they simply live their lives, fly from tree to tree, eat fruit, drink nectar, eat worms. They have what they need. While I was writing this a hummingbird came to my window, looked at me and flitted off. Look at the birds (the birds look at you). Life provides. Look at the flowers…, Jesus suggests. No need to gild the lily, she is beautiful as she is – just as she is. Life is.

Receive and Respond

Zen Master Sueng Sahn taught this point with the words, “Don’t make anything.” Beneath that is the assumption, “receive.”

When we are engaged in “making something of ourselves” life is hard. Once you make your self, there is always the question of maintenance – constant, tiresome maintenance – a difficult thing to base a life on. As we receive our lives, a great burden is lifted, and we experience life coming to us in each and every circumstance. There is no image to uphold, no idea to push. We perceive and respond.

A bat found its way into the house the other day. It exhausted itself trying to find a way out and I found it on the bedroom floor when I returned from work. Carefully, I caught it and put it into a box and put it on the porch. When I checked the next morning it had moved, but it was still on the porch. An hour or so later, I heard a raven land on the porch. I looked up just in time to see the raven gulping down the bat.

Perceive and respond. It works for the birds, for the raven. It will work for you as well. That’s the nature of things.

Look at the birds, they don’t reap or sow or store in barns. Yet, your heavenly father feeds them. Life, love, pain, sorrow, beauty and joy come to us. Everything is alright. The life that we have right now is the life we have right now. All the struggle and strife that we engage in to meet our ideal image of ourselves is extra. The cost of maintenance is exorbitant. So, Jesus sends us on: seek first the realm of God and all this will be given to you as well. The universe sings her song and we join in – we have all we need.

Using this Scripture: Words of scripture are to be encountered with our whole lives. They are not just to be thought about or felt into. As words of scripture are embodied, their action is magical, they change things. Simple words in our lives like, "Could I have a drink of water, please?" bring water. Scripture reveals the contradictions of life, offering us the deep down in things which offer us a freedom beyond words, a freedom available “over the horizon” or our imaginings. So, here are some words (paraphrased from scripture) to take into your life:

Do not fret and fuss about your life, who you are or who you should be…
Look at the birds…
Look at the lilies…
Enter the realm of God, you’ll find everything you need there.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions…

2010-07-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

Should I stay or should I go now? -Mick Jones, “The Clash”

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra

Chao-chou teaching the assembly said: The Great Way is not difficult. Just avoid picking and choosing. As soon as words are spoken, this is picking and choosing. This is clarity. This old fellow does not abide within clarity. Do you still hang onto anything, or not?

Blue Cliff Record, #2

A man has a hundred sheep and one of them went astray and he leaves the ninety-nine on the mountain and goes out to seek the one until he has found it. -Parable of Jesus as rendered by Bernard Brandon Scott, in “Hear Then the Parable: a commentary on the parables of Jesus,” Fortress Press, 1989

Life is all about making choices. I’ll take the pizza, but hold the anchovies and O, could you put jalapenos on that. You are making choices all the time. Most often you want to make the best decision. You know what I mean – You really believe that the pizza will be better without the anchovies and with the jalapenos. So, you are constantly making decisions as you try to make your life the very best life it can be. Making decisions can be difficult. They confront us every moment of every day: what to eat, what to wear, whether or not to call him, should I stay with her? do I want to go to the movies or just stay home? “Decisions, decisions,” we say to ourselves, “decisions, decisions.” What do we do when we are not clear about which decision to make, how do we choose? Jesus has a parable to share with us.

A man has a hundred sheep and one of them went astray and he leaves the ninety-nine on the mountain and goes out to seek the one until he has found it. [i]

This man in the parable has a tremendous choice to make. He has just counted his sheep and he has only ninety-nine where he should have one hundred. One of the sheep is lost. What does he do, leave the ninety-nine alone while he searches for the one? They could all scatter and he might lose many more.” Does he seek the one? And risk the losing the 99? If he finds it, he might have all one hundred. See his dilemma? Should he stay or should he go? If he stays there will be trouble. If he goes it could be double. It is impossible to know what is best. Stay, go, stay go, stay, go. When I was a child we had a way to deal with this sort of dilemma about what to choose, we used rhyme:

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

Or we'd draw straws. Rock, Scissors, Paper. Or, or, or…. How do you choose? How to decide?

Usually I make my decision trying to project into the future. I have all my accumulated experience, my prejudices and preconceptions concerning my dilemma. I come with a belief that there is a “best” decision to be made, that if I parse the situation carefully enough I will simply come to some clarity about what to do. What I have noticed is that this way of making decisions only gets more confusing: more forks in the road present themselves and what was a simple decision about what to wear, or where to go becomes paralyzingly more complicated. Far better to follow Yogi Berra’s advice: When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Or Zhouzhou, “The great way is not difficult. Simply avoid picking and choosing. When words are spoken, this is picking and choosing. This is clarity. I do not dwell in clarity.

Like all parables that Jesus told, the parable of the Shepherd and the Sheep points to the kingdom of God wherein God is all and in all. In the parable an impossible dilemma is set up: rescue the one and leave the 99, or stay with the 99 and forsake the one? Our conscious thoughts cannot help us at this point. There will always be pros and cons that will, in one way or another, even out. Statistics cannot help us. Jesus’ parabolic world presents a far more intriguing possibility: faced with uncertainty, as our knowing is taken away from us, we can act, we can move with circumstances. Like a soccer player on the field, we move, never giving a thought to our actions. We connect with the ball and the game continues.

As we move through our lives without expectations, preconceptions and prejudice – without a thought for tomorrow -- we are surprised for today, for each moment as it comes to us. What a gift! The world is alive and present to us. We find joy in living.Yesterday I spent the day in Golden Gate Park with people I love. What was beautiful about it is that we just meandered all day long. No decisions were pondered, suffered over and made. It is more like our choices came to us. We stumbled upon one trail and wandered through the primeval forest. We followed the sidewalk and happened upon a saxophone player in one of the tunnels. We came upon the De Young Museum, spending time in the sculpture garden, then the observation tower. Then we were off to the Haight for coffee.

Today the shepherd rescues the one. Tomorrow she might stay with the 99. To live is to decide, to meet circumstances, to meet our lives. The Kingdom of God is our host, each moment offering us our lives. As we are present in our living we make our choices beyond our ability to discern any outcome, to know. Life is uncertain. The interesting move we might make is to trust this uncertainty as we step into tomorrow. Life will come to us in the circumstances of our lives. In the Christian tradition this is “Providence.” And you have an experience of this: take a breath – you are alive. Now take another. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I don’t even know what I’ll have for lunch. But, I am learning to trust the Host of my life, the background against which all is found – the Kingdom of God.

Today, what decisions are you facing?

Quickly now, before thinking about it, do something!

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

_____________

[i] Scott, Brandon. Hear Then the Parable: a commentary on the Parables of Jesus. Fortress, 1989. See pages 405 to 417 for Scott’s rationale for this rendering of the parable as it may have actually been used by Jesus.

Who? You Are the Light of the World!

2010-06-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

There is a solitary brightness, without fixed shape or form, that is able to listen, is able to understand and is able to teach the Dharma. That solitary brightness, is you."

-Linji

I am the light of the world....

-Jesus

Life is like what people say about the weather in New England, “Wait 5 minutes and it will change.” Life is change. With ubiquitous change self identity is difficult. It is like Alice in her conversation with the Caterpillar:

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'`

What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. `Explain yourself!'`I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because I'm not myself, you see.'

A friend came to me quite perplexed a few years ago: “I can’t stand it. It is way too confusing. I am one person at home with my husband, another at work, and still another with the kids. I feel like a chameleon. Then, sounding a bit like Alice, her voice cracked as she said, “I just don’t know who I am anymore.” What seems like the easiest question in the world for anyone to answer, “Who are you?” dumbfounds. You know what I mean. Think of yourself at 17, at 27, at 37. Are you who you were then? Of course not. Lots of changes since then. So, the question “Who are you?” strikes deep into your life. As life changes within and around you, who are you? Jesus points the way:

You are the light of the world….

It is as if he were speaking to you, yes you the one reading his words. Maybe he needs to get your attention, “You…yes you…you…umhum...you! are the light of the world. You turn your head, you look behind you, seeing no one, you turn in Jesus’ direction and point to yourself, “me?” And Jesus nods. You are the light of the world. Just that, and nothing more. Oh, yes, he does go on to describe how light might behave,

A city built on a hill cannot be hid.No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.

It does not hide, you don’t put light under a bushel basket, you put it up high so that everyone might benefit from the light. To this I would say, “probably so.” What I am wondering though is this: can you show me your light?

Weeds and Trees

2010-06-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

--“Beautiful Boy,” John Lennon

He has big plans for the future. She is ambitious, she is going somewhere, and she knows exactly where. Really? Have you ever noticed how much time you spend making plans? Staking out a future? Imagining your life over the rainbow? You and everyone else. And its fun. Couples planning a wedding make plans, students make plans, city planners make plans. Nurses do it, doctors do it. Financial planners make a living doing it. . Everyone is making plans: 5 year plans, 10 year plans, life plans. Have you noticed something? Plan as you will, it is impossible to control life. Life rolls on, regardless of plan. This can cause profound suffering: the harder you hold onto your plans the more frustrated you can get. What would life be like if you were able to hold your plans loosely? Jesus has a parable of transformation/koan that aims in the direction of our plans. With his Parable of the Mustard Seed, Jesus takes our plans, tosses them on their head and then turns them outside in.

(The kingdom of heaven) is like a mustard seed that a man took and tossed into his garden. It grew and became a tree and the birds of the sky roosted in its branches. Luke 13:18 – 19 as in “Re-imagine the World,” Bernard Brandon Scott

Gardeners plan. In January and February the seed catalogs arrives and gardeners pour over the pages, deciding what to plant this year. There are countless choices: upteen varieties of tomatoes, there’s rhubarb, peas, beans, potatoes. I wonder should I start that bed of asparagus this year? As it is now, so it was in Jesus’ time. Plans needed to be made for a bountiful harvest. People needed to eat. And there needed to be enough. And just as now every gardener needs to contend with weeds so it was then. Enter mean Mr. Mustard.

On its Head

Just as with Jack and his beans, it is an off-handed toss, or at very least, ill considered and not carefully planned. To invite such a plant into the garden, invites chaos; bringing an end to all planning. Mustard plants sprout quickly, reach maturity in a little over a month, and therefore spread like wild-fire. Mustard is a weed. Because of this the gardening manuals of the time – from Leviticus and the Mishnah, to the writings of Pliny the elder, proscribe planting this weed. So, any plan for planting mustard in the garden will qualify as an off-handed toss, ill-considered and not according to any acceptable plan. Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. And indeed, as you sow, so shall you reap. Now plans make no difference. And so, our first stopping point: wild and uncontrollable.

The growth of the kingdom of heaven is wild and uncontrollable, weed-like. The kingdom of heaven brings dis-order to the garden. How distant from our plans! You begin a fierce, driven movement into your career and then, you fall in love. This changes everything. You relax into retirement and the bottom drops out of your 401k. You make a routine visit to the doctor, you get a diagnosis. Is this misfortune apart from the kingdom of heaven? You might think so. Jesus is telling us otherwise: just this, what is before you is the kingdom of heaven AND it is beyond your control. A movement into life is a movement into the wild. At this point, plans may not help you. Being present in your life as it is, is the Way. Which brings us to our next stopping point: the unexpected.

Outside, In

At this point, you are invited to embody the parable in your life. Facing the wild and uncontrollable, there is no other way. Within Jesus’s parabolic world life is a wild ride and just this life as-it-is is where you live – plans no longer amount to a hill of beans. In fact the more you insist on your plans, the further you will be from your life. Yet, within this world of wild growth there is a big surprise. Call it a mustard tree. Of course there is no such thing. At best, mustard is a 4 foot weed. No large branches for nests, no bird song in the morning, paltry shade. Certainly, this is nothing you could plan for. A total outlier – that changes everything (see Nassim Taleb’s “The Black Swan.” For the first chapter see: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/22/books/chapters/0422-1st-tale.html) In this mustard tree the birds will roost and rest in the shade.

Can you show me the mustard seed? The plant? The tree?

An Empty Jar

2010-06-16T16:09:00.001-07:00

We join spokes together in a wheel,
but it is the center hole
that makes the wagon move.

We shape clay into a pot,
but it is the emptiness inside
that holds whatever we want.

We hammer wood for a house,
but it is the inner space
that makes it livable.

We work with being,
but non-being is what we use.

-Tao Te Ching, Chapter 11, trans. Stepthen Mitchell

When you’ve lost everything, what is there? In honest moments you confront your losses and wonder, “What’s left?” It is a part of life, you are always losing things: the car keys, your coat, your money, your well being; children grow and leave home; you lose your health as you face the inevitable disability; relationships change, the person you thought you knew has disappeared; life partners die. It is part of life, you are always losing things. What about today? What have you lost today? See.

A natural reaction to loss, is to hold on tighter to what you have, to what is left. Maybe this has helped. Or maybe you have noticed that holding tight is an excellent method for losing what you believed was yours. Holding tight, you believe you own people, things, circumstances. Touching lightly we notice: it is all gift. Jesus noticed this and said, “Save your life and you will lose it, lose your life and you will save it.”

There is a parable of Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas that helps us to move more deeply into this paradox, The Woman and the Jar:

Jesus said,”The kingdom of God is like a certain woman who was carrying a jar full of meal. While she was walking on the road, still some distance from home, the handle of the jar broke and the meal emptied out behind her on the road. She did not realize it, she had noticed no accident. When she reached her house she set the jar down and found it empty.”

When we think of God’s kingdom we think pearly gates, choirs of angels, or if we are more present oriented we think not of an empty jar but rather of mountains of meal – an all you can eat buffet. The formula for the kingdom of God is something like this: Life = bliss, bounty, favored status. This parable of the woman in the jar, though, goes in another direction. It takes what you believe about bounty, goodness and the kingdom, tosses it on its head and then turns it inside out.

On its head

In the 1980’s singer Bobby McFerrin had a hit on his hands. Perhaps you sing it every now and again, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” In the song he loses his job, his relationship, his apartment and he informs us that he has a little song where he sings, “Don’t worry, be happy!” Perhaps you’ve tried this. Maybe you have noticed it does not work. Nor would it work for the woman with the jar. Her loss is an invitation to worry, sadness, even panic. And no doubt all of that is part of her loss – as it would be for all of us. We think that is hell. Fair enough. This parable calls you into the loss, into whatever it might mean for you, to be with it. You might notice as you grieve your loss, that if you don’t hold onto it as if loss were your life, it will change. Where you had seen desolation, you might meet something new.

I have seen at least one death bed conversion, where someone seemed to transform right in front of my eyes:

Jill was bitter woman – a life-long and active alcoholic. She was mean to her husband, children and grandchildren. She got cancer of the liver. She ranted and raved. It wasn’t fair. She was young, etc… but as her skin color changed to the ruddy brown of jaundice, something just shifted. She relaxed and she asked forgiveness of her husband and children. Her focus changed. She enjoyed the birds in the feeder, the white of the snow, the brilliance of the sun. Her grandchildren sat on her bed, playing patty-cake. All she wanted to talk about was love, and family….The day she died she said that she was happy.

When everything is lost, what then?

Inside Out

As loss visits us, we can find enjoyment in what the moment has to offer. There is, then, one more step.

In a sermon on poverty of spirit, German mystic Meister Eckhart speaks of a poverty so empty that any trace of the soul apart from God is erased. “…poverty of spirit means that a person is so empty of God and of all God’s works that if God wants to act in the soul, God himself must be the place where he wants to act – and this God does gladly…It is here, in this poverty, that a person attains the eternal presence which he once was, and which he now is and which he will forever remain.” Paul spoke of this poverty when we said, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

So, when I am gone, when everything is lost, what then?

There is only This, or if you will, God is all and in all; or There is only God.

There are a dozens of traditional Zen koans that get to this as a lived reality. Maybe these could be of some help:

How is your hand like the Buddha’s hand?
How does an enlightened person fall into a well?

Or maybe this koan from Paul:

“It is not longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” Please show me Christ.

When she reached her house she set the jar down and found it empty.

1)Tao Te Ching, #11, is from Stepthen Mitchell's rendering in Tao Te Ching, Perennial Classics Edition, 2000. Thanks to my friend Amanda Valerie for the reference.

2) The Eckhart quote is from The Enlightened Mind: An Anthology of Sacred Prose, edited by Stephen Mitchell, Harper Collins, 1991

Putrefied Brilliance

2010-06-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Putrified Brilliance
Holy, Holy, Holy
God of Love and Majesty
The Whole Universe speaks of your glory
O God most high!
-United Church of Christ Book of Worship

Everything is holy! everybody's holy! everywhere is
holy! everyday is in eternity! Everyman's an
angel!
The bum's as holy as the seraphim! the madman is
holy as you my soul are holy!
-Allen Ginsberg, Footnote to Howl, selected

What’s holy? What’s not? What do you find acceptable and bless? What is unacceptable, to be forsaken? Maybe you learned, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” Perhaps you had a grandparent who was regarded as a “saint,” somehow pure in her speech and actions. And, then, maybe there was someone in your family commonly referred to as the “black sheep,” corrupting everything they touched. “Stay away from them,” you might have heard whenever she came around.. You learn your lesson well as you come to believe that a dividing line runs through the center of your life. On the one side there is the good and pure and on the other the bad and impure. Dividing things up like this can keep us out of trouble. That’s helpful. But have you noticed that as you draw the boundaries life itself becomes divided and you often feel divided against yourself, often judging and beating up on yourself for being less than your idea of perfect and pure? Jesus has a parable of transformation that goes right to the heart of the matter. It reads:

“To what shall I compare the Kingdom of God? It is like (something rotten) leaven, which a woman took and concealed in 50 pounds of flour until it was all leavened.”

The first thing you can do with this saying of Jesus is forget what you know about it. Usually, this parable has been taken to mean something like “greatness comes from small beginnings.” Certainly you’ve been surprised when some small kindness blossoms into an outcome beyond your imagining. That seems to be in the nature of things. This parable of the leaven, though, goes in another direction. It takes what you believe about pure and impure, holy and unholy and tosses it on its head and then turns it inside out.

On its Head
In Jesus' time, it was believed that leaven corrupted the purity of sacred life. Leaven was corrupt, rotten, unacceptable for sacred use. It made whatever it touched to be unclean. In a divided world, sacred and secular, the holy unleavened bread was used for the sacred feasts while leavened bread was for the unholy every day. So, scandalous Jesus,envisioning a universe of “all things new,” says that as the leaven spreads through and corrupts the whole batch of dough - that is the kingdom of God. Boundaries collapse. As Ginsberg writes, The bum's as holy as the seraphim! the madman is holy as you my soul are holy! Everything is holy, the pure, the impure. This is good as far as it goes. Though finally this is not a parable about purity. It is an invitation to be leavened, to be the liveliness that spreads through life as it is. Time to turn this parable inside out.

Inside Out
Christian Contemplative author Jerry May liked to tell a story recounting the visit of Korean Zen Master Sueng Sahn to the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. Soen-sa nim, as he was called, gave a talk on Chinese Chan Master Yunmen’s famous koan:

A monk asked Yunmen, What is Buddha?
Yunmen replied: Dried shit-stick

Jerry’s 11 year old son, who had accompanied him to the talk, started giggling. Everytime Soen-sa nim said ‘shit’ he laughed a little harder. It was hard to sit through the whole lecture. Soon members of the audience were also stifling giggles. After the talk, Jerry and his son stepped into the night air and the boy couldn’t contain himself. He gave himself over to the laughter, rolling on the ground; “He said shit in church. He said shit in church.” Ha! Ha! Ha!

If we set up holy, we will find unholy. If we have pure, we will find impure. That's our way. However...,

The leaven fills everything. The whole universe speak of God’s glory. He said ‘shit’ in church. Ha! Ha! Ha!

I remember the first time I saw maggots. A squirrel had died and was beneath the canoe rack at the summer camp of my youth, YMCA Camp Daniel Boone. Poking at it with a stick, it seemed to move. In the shadows, the flesh seemed to crawl. I pulled the squirrel out into the sun. The sun glistened on their bodies, a writhing mass of worms. My tears surprised me. Never had I seen something quite so beautiful.

Jesus. The teaching is upside down. The poor will inherit the kingdom of heaven. The last will be first. Losing your life, you will save it. In a blink of an eye, pure and impure disappear. Acceptable and unacceptable become simple categories through which we cut up our lives, seeking to make them more manageable. What does the kingdom of heaven remind me of? Ha! Ha! Ha! He said ‘shit’ in church.

Questions:
1. Name something that you believe to be corrupting.
2. What repulses you?
3. Has ugliness ever surprised you with its beauty?

“In Your Midst”

2010-06-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

Oh, I'm lookin' for my missin' piece
I'm lookin' for my missin' piece
Hi-dee-ho, here I go
lookin' for my missin' piece
-Shel Silverstein, The Missing Piece

The nature of God is a circle
of which the center is everywhere
and the circumference is nowhere.
-St. Augustine

The Missing Piece and the Search

You know how it is: there is something missing. If you look “inside” you find a hole, that if filled could put you at rest. A great desire arises in you for this missing piece. Fifteenth century Christian mystic, St. John of the Cross called our experience of this “something missing” a “great cavern of desire,” a cavern which, he noted, cannot be filled by anything in all creation. Yet, this is something that you have to find out by yourself, so the search begins for the missing piece which you believe will bring wholeness, peace, happiness and satisfaction. You mount the watchtower – searching for your missing piece. Eyes fixed on the horizon, looking far and wide, you wait for something/someone to appear. Your life becomes a reaching for the thing, the person, the experience that will transform your life. You search and you search and you search.

There is something beautiful about this search. The search tells us that heart is alive, seeking home. Jesus was a fan of this search. Once when a rich young man came to him and asked, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”, Luke, the gospel writer, tells us that Jesus “looked at him and loved him.” Jesus recognized how the young man was reaching with all he had. And that is how it is, you reach with all you have. How to search? Here’s something that might help you on your way:

And someone asked him when the kingdom of God was coming. And he said, 'The kingdom of God is not coming with things that can be observed; nor will they say, “Look, here it is!” or “There it is!” For, in fact, the kingdom of God is your midst.’

Chinese Masters called it Buddha-nature, Jesus called it the kingdom of God or the kingdom of heaven. We could say, “God’s realm.” What is It? The kingdom of God is something which cannot be named, grasped, explained, or imagined. Once you grab hold of it, it wiggles a bit and you find that you never had it to begin with. So, how does one search?

Maybe you search by not searching. If the realm of God is right here in your midst, and can’t be located in time and space as here or there – why look anywhere? Where would you look? under a rock? behind a tree? Maybe there is looking without grasping, a finding with no naming. A gentle awareness. We believe that sacred work is big work, loaded with effort. What if it were as simple as waking up in the morning, opening your eyes to first light as the birds sing sweetly in the trees? Tweet! Tweet!

Jesus said, that God’s realm is not coming with things that can be observed. It cannot be observed “over here” or “over there” because it is not outside any self that is searching. Nor is there an inside, a little niche where It can be found. With no inside nor outside, what is there? Just this as it is.

The kingdom of God is nowhere at all and everywhere at once. The kingdom of God is beyond inside or outside, here or there. The realm of God eludes our grasp. It just is.

There is no search at all. Nothing to search for. Nothing to find. As soon as you think you have found it, named it, grabbed hold of it, it is gone. With no thought of it – Ha! there’s God’s realm – washing the dishes, planting the garden. What the heart seeks is already present, in your midst. But even closer than that – the heart seeking is It. Oh, the missing piece? Never missing.

To Ponder:
1. When did you become aware of searching? How has that been for you?
2. What is your experience of “having it all together?” How did this come about?

A New Reading of Scripture

2010-05-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

Years ago in seminary they taught us to interpret scripture. This was an important task. One wanted to correctly interpret the meaning of scripture so that one could correctly interpret the stories in the Bible to a congregation. So, there were classes on Bible. We learned the different approaches to interpreting scripture: the form critical, the historical critical, etc...etc...,so many I can't even remember them now, 30 years later. In these classes we were tested on our understanding of these various approaches to the Bible. All these academic approaches were helpful as far as they went, helping me mostly to understand 'what was being said. This reading of the Bible did little in helping me live my life. The stories of the Bible were interesting but in my academic reading of the scripture they failed to reach deep.

In classes with Henri Nouwen, at Yale Divinity School, I was introduced to another way to read the scriptures: lectio divina. With its monastic roots, lectio provides a deeper reading of scripture. In Lectio Divina the scripture is read slowly, perhaps out loud to oneself, or maybe just silently, a number of times. In the course of the reading, a word or a phrase might grab hold, or "stick" to you. Maybe the phrase will shimmer. In the Lectio practice, you are to consider this word as God's word for you right now. Moving more deeply with this word, you might reflect on it, pray with it, enter deeply into its significance for you and your life. Finally, you might just sit in the presence of this word, allowing it to work its own magic in you. With lectio divina there is a deep respect for the individual's spiritual life and the movement of that life ever deeper into the mystery of God's presence. At our church, the First Congregational UCC of Santa Rosa, there is an on-going lectio group that meets twice a month. Lectio brings the Bible home into our lives.

After using lectio divina for a decade or two, soon I began to sense that there was one more step. I saw the lectio process helpful as I made decisions and sought change in my life. However, as the practice deepened I began to have difficulty with the "I" and the "me" of practice. I began to sense that this practice or, even, this life was not even "mine."

In the gospel of John, Jesus says, "Before Abraham, I am." Here Christ identifies as the background or the ground of being. Before thought, before concept or idea, before differentiation, before any idea of self arising, Christ says, "I am." This is echoed in the prologue to the same gospel, "In the beginning was the word....." This "I am," this "word," is prior to creation itself, it not only "in the beginning," but also, "before the beginning," perhaps we might say, "beyond all beginnings." This before/beyond the beginning is who Christ is. Actually, It is simpler than that: Christ "is." This "I am" is the background against which our life's drama is enacted, where stories of self creation arise and self-image and identity is constructed. This before/beyond is who we are. This is what Paul captures in Galatians when he says, "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

As my practice of lectio continued over the years, the "I, Me, Mine" of self-image seemed inadequate to my spiritual practice. Then, I met Zen, specifically, the Zen koan. Koans are spiritual pointers that emerged in China about thirteen hundred years ago. They are accounts of encounters between spiritual teachers and students wherein the teacher responds to a student's question or situation in such a way that the student's assumptions about life and living are taken away and the student perceives life without her preconceptions about it. John Tarrant, director and founder of the Pacific Zen Institute describes koans:

The koan may take many of your thoughts and assumptions away. It may show you that you stand on an emptiness, a mystery. And you may find this freeing. When you witness things as they emerge from emptiness you may find that you too are just emerging. You too have no definite shape or identity and are essentially unknown. You are a something, vast and infinite, not limited by having a self. When you do not hold onto a set belief about who you are, many things are open and possible. You may also find that kindness just arrives by itself without effort.

http://www.pacificzen.org/pages/PopUpInfo/JT%20Readings/KoanStarter.htm

Jesus, in his invitations to the kingdom of God, hopes to show us that we stand in mystery, in the great "I am," that we are being itself. When Jesus says, 'The kingdom of God is not coming with things that can be observed; nor will they say, "Look, here it is!" or "There it is!" For in fact, the kingdom of God is in your midst," it is clear that the kingdom is impossible to grasp or possess. Though present, "in our midst," the kingdom is something that we can not hold or understand, something that we cannot see -- but, it is who we are. Present beyond our understanding or imagination, or our ability to understand or imagine, this kingdom, this realm is beyond our selves. The Kingdom of God cannot be understood by our self. Instead, our hearts open and life becomes more transparent and our lives are transformed, we experience life anew and as Tarrant says we discover that, "You are a something, vast and infinite, not limited by having a self." This is the "before" of Jesus', "Before Abraham, I am," the "beyond the beginning" of John, the gospel writer's "word."

This is all to introduce us to a different, perhaps a "new" way of reading scripture. Jesus taught the kingdom of God. He used parables and had conversations that read like koans, that point to the moon, inviting us to participate fully in life itself, before and beyond our ability to conceptualize it, fix it, or grab hold of it. With Jesus, we "consider the lilies;" we ponder, "the first shall be last, the last first." With Jesus, we enter into stories of Good Samaritans, and Lost Sons. We consider how it is "become like children" as we come to know the Kingdom of God. Jesus leads us to the "I am" of transcendent mystery: "I am the bread of life. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, etc...."

Over the summer I will be posting a saying or doing of Jesus each week as together we consider this saying, this doing as koan - leading us into the mystery of our life. Please join me. Thanks.